// The Converse Is Also Acceptable //

It's that slightly painful time of year when every piece of social media is overflowing with 'New Year's Resolution' mush. I usually don't bother with said mush because let's face it, what's changed between December 31st and January 1st? Not to mention, it's extremely disheartening to say 'this year I'll really do it' and fail. Again. So apart from some vague 'I'll eat more healthily' ideas, there's not all that much to do. But during a recent emotional low I decided to think long and hard about what was making me miserable, and what I could do to stop it. Everyday things came up like shouting at Boy, not studying enough outside college, rubbish health and fitness. So I wrote a list of New Year's Resolutions. Whoopie-doo. Looking at it reminded me just how many areas of my life I wanted to improve... and how harsh I was being on myself. It was then that I had an epiphany.

The converse is also acceptable. Sometimes the complete opposite is just as good.

What I'm trying to stress is that we set all these self-improvement goals and in doing so demonize things that aren't such a big deal. So, I reassessed my list and came up with this:

1. Spend more quality time with Boy // Encourage independent play

2. Be more loving, understanding and accepting // Don't put up with people's shit.

3. Walk as much as possible // Don't be a martyr - take the sodding bus.

4. Eat more healthy stuff, like, vegetables // Eat what you want - and enjoy it.

5. Drink more water // Try more wines

6. Get up early every day // Be more forgiving with yourself. Some days, you're just too tired.

7. Keep the house tidy // Call if free-range, organic parenting??

8. Study in my free time // Read a book purely for enjoyment

9. Stop comparing my life to other's // Use envy as inspiration

10. Budget better // Okay, perhaps there isn't an opposite to that... Treat yo'self?

What have you vowed to change in the New Year? Could you alter your perspective?

Heather xx

Are we too harsh on ourselves?

Sometimes I wonder what the basic measure of acceptable motherhood is, and the answer seems simple: are your kids happy? Okay so it's answering a question with a question, but it makes sense - if your kids are happy, how badly can you be doing?

This post has probably been triggered by my current situtation: Boy and I are in our pjamas, on my sofa bed, each on a seperate piece of technology. We have been this way since 7am, except for a brief pause for breakfast. What the fuck is wrong with me today?? Sure we have pjama days but we don't spend hours not paying attention to each other, glued to a screen.

Am I being too harsh on myself? After all, I can't remember this ever happening before. It's not every day, or even once a month. He often pauses his video to enthusiastically update me, and I pause mine to properly listen and respond to him. That's not so bad.
Or is this lazy, slobbish parenting?

I'm not trying to pretend that we don't have our share of screen time on a daily basis. Boy is at nursery often 5 days a week, sometimes for 10 hour days (my timetable is varied). In that time he plays non-stop with toys and other children so I tell myself, it's fine for him to chill out with the tablet until dinner... And then until bedtime after dinner. I'm not perfect.

And lo behold, every parents' dilemma. On the one hand we are told by countless studies, your kids need you! They need non-stop interaction! Everything is a learning opportunity! They will get fat and agressive if they have too much screen time. There's a study for everything. And on the other hand... chill out. You're not perfect. It's okay to waste an entire day. So which do we listen to?

I think we are too harsh on ourselves. I think yes, our kids need us and our attention and our love. I also think Boy isn't missing out on any tremendous character-shaping experiences (the biggest event on today's agenda is the duck pond). Personally I lean towards the 'chill out' end of the parenting spectrum, because in the grand scheme of things I know how much effort I put into being the best mummy I can be - and you should know that about yourself, too.

All in all, I think it's time to get up. To get dressed. To brush our teeth. This morning has been unusually lazy but it's not going to have lasting damage on his health, happiness or education. Upon announcing this to Boy he told me to shut up and tried to scratch me, so he's now in time out. Who knows, maybe too much screen time really does make them aggressive. But another study told me walks in the park can calm them and increase their IQ. Off to the duck pond we go...

Love,
Heather x