// The Converse Is Also Acceptable //

It's that slightly painful time of year when every piece of social media is overflowing with 'New Year's Resolution' mush. I usually don't bother with said mush because let's face it, what's changed between December 31st and January 1st? Not to mention, it's extremely disheartening to say 'this year I'll really do it' and fail. Again. So apart from some vague 'I'll eat more healthily' ideas, there's not all that much to do. But during a recent emotional low I decided to think long and hard about what was making me miserable, and what I could do to stop it. Everyday things came up like shouting at Boy, not studying enough outside college, rubbish health and fitness. So I wrote a list of New Year's Resolutions. Whoopie-doo. Looking at it reminded me just how many areas of my life I wanted to improve... and how harsh I was being on myself. It was then that I had an epiphany.

The converse is also acceptable. Sometimes the complete opposite is just as good.

What I'm trying to stress is that we set all these self-improvement goals and in doing so demonize things that aren't such a big deal. So, I reassessed my list and came up with this:

1. Spend more quality time with Boy // Encourage independent play

2. Be more loving, understanding and accepting // Don't put up with people's shit.

3. Walk as much as possible // Don't be a martyr - take the sodding bus.

4. Eat more healthy stuff, like, vegetables // Eat what you want - and enjoy it.

5. Drink more water // Try more wines

6. Get up early every day // Be more forgiving with yourself. Some days, you're just too tired.

7. Keep the house tidy // Call if free-range, organic parenting??

8. Study in my free time // Read a book purely for enjoyment

9. Stop comparing my life to other's // Use envy as inspiration

10. Budget better // Okay, perhaps there isn't an opposite to that... Treat yo'self?

What have you vowed to change in the New Year? Could you alter your perspective?

Heather xx

Five Gifts All Parents Hate for Kids at Christmas

It's December 27th, Christmas is finally over, and I'm itching for it to be socially acceptable to put away the tree. Not to be a Grinch but Christmas goes on for so long. Many shops are now putting up their Christmas displays before we've even had Halloween! Needless to say, I'm ready for it to be over.

Christmas this year was wonderful. I had my mum's side of the family over (that's 4 siblings, 2 parents and a cat), and we all crammed in to my tiny flat for dinner and gifts. Boy was incredibly spoilt by friends and family (my gifts were Mr Men puzzles, a Hotwheels track and a Gruffalo annual) and all his presents were thoughtful and well-received. But that got me thinking: what do we all dread our kids receiving for Christmas? Here's my top 5:

5. Arts and Craft kits: With these kits come shining gallons of good intentions from both you and the giver. You will sit with your child and carefully piece together this fantastic DIY handbag kit (suitable for 3yrs+) during that dedicated 3 hour timeslot you carve out for your child every day. No, s/he will not stab you with the plastic needle. Of course you can unravel the wool without their help. Who would dare suggest sticking the gems on their own face?

4. Anything Vtech: It flashes. It talks. It sings. It needs 10 batteries. It's made of very, very hard plastic. It's bloody loud, and it has no fucking volume controls. This is the 21st century, for Christ's sake!

3. Those 'grown your own dinosaur/alien/other weird thing in water' kits: These strange little kits claim you can grown aforementioned toy in an egg-shaped pot of water overnight and lo behold, your child will have their own mini toy they have reared themselves. It's almost as good as a puppy. Except a) the container leaks everywhere. b) the toy won't come out of the egg pod. c) the toy itself feels disgustingly squishy and slimy once drained.

2) Music kits: Once again - it's loud, and you're going to trip over it on multiple, musical occasions.

1) Hamma beads, aqua beads, or anything of that ilk: Let's be honest. You can lay out a tray, group the beads in colour co-ordinated piles, threaten your kids with death by vacuuming, but those beads are going to go everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Not only when your kids are nicely putting them together (which on a good day lasts 5 minutes before the whining and/or fighting starts), but when you put them aside to iron or spray 'later' doom shall befall you. No, you could put everyone in your house in straight jackets and still those damn things will be knocked to the floor. My advice is to sneak into the gift givers house and tip the beads into all of their cereal packets so they have to painstakingly pick them out piece by piece. That should give them the message.

What do you dread your kids receiving at Christmas?

Heather x

Are we too harsh on ourselves?

Sometimes I wonder what the basic measure of acceptable motherhood is, and the answer seems simple: are your kids happy? Okay so it's answering a question with a question, but it makes sense - if your kids are happy, how badly can you be doing?

This post has probably been triggered by my current situtation: Boy and I are in our pjamas, on my sofa bed, each on a seperate piece of technology. We have been this way since 7am, except for a brief pause for breakfast. What the fuck is wrong with me today?? Sure we have pjama days but we don't spend hours not paying attention to each other, glued to a screen.

Am I being too harsh on myself? After all, I can't remember this ever happening before. It's not every day, or even once a month. He often pauses his video to enthusiastically update me, and I pause mine to properly listen and respond to him. That's not so bad.
Or is this lazy, slobbish parenting?

I'm not trying to pretend that we don't have our share of screen time on a daily basis. Boy is at nursery often 5 days a week, sometimes for 10 hour days (my timetable is varied). In that time he plays non-stop with toys and other children so I tell myself, it's fine for him to chill out with the tablet until dinner... And then until bedtime after dinner. I'm not perfect.

And lo behold, every parents' dilemma. On the one hand we are told by countless studies, your kids need you! They need non-stop interaction! Everything is a learning opportunity! They will get fat and agressive if they have too much screen time. There's a study for everything. And on the other hand... chill out. You're not perfect. It's okay to waste an entire day. So which do we listen to?

I think we are too harsh on ourselves. I think yes, our kids need us and our attention and our love. I also think Boy isn't missing out on any tremendous character-shaping experiences (the biggest event on today's agenda is the duck pond). Personally I lean towards the 'chill out' end of the parenting spectrum, because in the grand scheme of things I know how much effort I put into being the best mummy I can be - and you should know that about yourself, too.

All in all, I think it's time to get up. To get dressed. To brush our teeth. This morning has been unusually lazy but it's not going to have lasting damage on his health, happiness or education. Upon announcing this to Boy he told me to shut up and tried to scratch me, so he's now in time out. Who knows, maybe too much screen time really does make them aggressive. But another study told me walks in the park can calm them and increase their IQ. Off to the duck pond we go...

Love,
Heather x

My First Post

Good morning all,

Barely scraping this post into the 'morning' part of today (Boy and I are still in our pjamas) but hey, it's a while since we've done this. 'This' being lazed around on a Saturday. And 'a while' being since... last Saturday.

So, here it is: the blog I have contemplated starting since Boy was born (Boy is not his name but I'm not sure how I feel about sharing it yet). Right now it has zero snazz, no readers and a distinct lack of direction. But that's okay, because I am writing for myself. I am writing to share my thoughts and feelings and see if anyone out there relates. I have a sneaking suspicious we're all more similar than we care to admit!

Here's a little about me and Boy:
I am 19, Boy is turning 4 next week. Do the math and yes, I had him reaaaalllly young. But I'm proud to say that I've jumped into motherhood like a fox on a trampoline (if you haven't seen this: get to Youtube. Now. You will thank me later). We live in a tiny but cosy flat in Essex, and I am a full time college student. I have an amazing partner who lives in London (I'll probably call him the Mr) and my family are the center of my life.

This blog will probably be a collection of my thoughts an experiences regarding motherhood, studying and anything else that tickles my fancy. While it will probably never reach global stardom, I really hope you enjoy reading.

Love,
Heather x